Sharing child custody isn’t easy. Parents often have a hard time reaching an agreement on how to divide time with their children. It is all too easy for parents to put their children in the middle of the conflicts they have with each other, but they should try to avoid doing so.
The family courts want to see both parents putting the children’s needs ahead of their feelings about the divorce. Most custody orders include instructions for the parents to share time with their children and also decision-making authority.
Some parents cannot adjust to the reality of shared parental responsibilities after divorce. And others fear that their child’s other parent may harm them. In either scenario, they may actively try to damage the relationship that the other parent has with the children.
How might parents interfere with each other’s relationships?
Parental alienation often starts with negative talk
One parent may repeatedly complain to their children about frustrations related to finances or shared custody arrangements. They may share exaggerated stories and talk negatively about the other parent. The goal is to change how the children view the other parent and damage their relationship with that parent. Co-parents typically need to find a healthy and productive way of working through their negative emotions so that they do not expose their children to unnecessary conflicts.
Alienation often involved reduced parenting time
With rare exceptions for cases involving abuse or neglect, parents typically have to be careful about conforming to a custody schedule. If one parent starts denying the other access to the children, the reduction in parenting time can quickly damage the bonds the other parent has with the children. Particularly if the parent interfering in the custody schedule doesn’t tell the children the truth but tries to blame the other parent for not showing up, the children may become resentful or withdraw from the relationship.
How can parents handle alienation attempts?
The sooner a parent facing alienation attempts to correct the issue, the less likely the misconduct of one parent is to cause lasting damage to the relationship the other enjoys with the children. The best response to parental alienation often involves requesting custody enforcement or a custody modification from the family court.
The parent experiencing alienation usually needs to document what has happened so that they can convince a judge to formally change the current custody order. A judge can order one parent to offer the other makeup parenting time. They can hold one parent in contempt of court. They also have the authority to drastically alter the division of parenting time and decision-making authority.
Documenting issues in a shared custody scenario can help parents protect their children and the relationship they have with them. Adults who recognize and fight parental alienation can work to protect the bond they have despite a difficult situation.
