When you’re divorcing and have adult children, you may not think that there is much that you need to do to prepare them. They’re adults, so you may imagine that they already understand what divorces are or how to handle them.
The problem with thinking about your children that way is that it’s too easy to forget that they are still your children and still have a core idea of what your family was and is like. They may not be quick to adapt to the idea of you and your spouse splitting up, and they may not feel comfortable knowing about all the details.
Even as adults, you need to keep your kids out of the middle
Even though your children are adults, you need to take steps to keep them out of the middle of arguments or situations in which you’d ask them to “choose.” Your children, regardless of age, should never feel that they have to pick different sides during the divorce. You and their other parent can handle this situation on your own and without involving them with your personal matters.
While you do need to tell your children about the divorce and may even need to ask for support while you find a new place to live or rebalance your finances, the reality is that you have to draw a line and keep more personal issues between you and your ex-spouse. If you want to talk to someone about how you’ve been hurt, consider speaking with a therapist. If you’re concerned about hidden assets or being taken advantage of during the divorce, involve your attorney.
At the end of the day, your children will always be your children, and they may need time to adapt to the new normal in your household. This will change the way your children perceive the relationships they’ve built with your and your ex-spouse, and they may have a new understanding of some of the things they’ve been through with you in the past. Give them time, and remember to keep them insulated just as you would have if they were still minors.
